My happy place
“Relax!!
Close your eyes and lay down.” my psychology instructor announced. We excitedly
acted upon the instructions and started an attempt to relax in a class of about
14 to 15 students, all strangers to each other.
I
am a 4th year student majoring in sociology and anthropology. Although I am
majoring in Anthro/socio, I have a love for psychology and thus try to take as
many courses in psychology as I can. I am taking a course on Personality Theories
this semester. Today we requested our psychology instructor to not conduct a
lecture, instead, teach us how to self hypnotize ourselves. Thus here we were
trying to relax, the first step in the process of hypnotism.
Slowly
and gradually my eyelids started to feel heavy and I felt the tensions and
worries of my daily life leaving my body. I could actually feel the worry of
getting good grades, dress selection for farewell party and the quiz for
tomorrow etc drifting away from my mind. I could listen to the distant voice of
my instructor in the background, “imagine that your whole body is a candle and
it is slowly and gradually melting away. Just relax.” The feeling of pure silence surrounding me, I
could hear my shallow breathing. The only voices I could hear apart from my
heartbeats were the rumbling sound of the air conditioner. Slowly, I opened my
eyes and got hit by the sheer darkness. After adjusting to the darkness in a
couple of seconds, I looked around to see everyone slumped in their seats,
heads dropping to their sides. Yes, the method was working. The heaviness of my
eyelids and the comfortable silence and relaxed moment in the not-so-
comfortable seat made me close my eyes and go back to following the
instructions of my instructor.
“Hold
your arms straight in front of you.” She announced. Unwillingly and out of
extreme lack of power I held my arms straight. It felt like you are sleeping
and mom is waking you up from school. The bed feels the most comfortable
surface you have ever slept on. Well, that was the position I was in when I had
to conquer all my power to complete the task of holding these arms straight. Waiting
for the effect to take place after she said, “imagine, your right arm is
holding a set of heavy metallic bowling balls and the left arm holding a group
of ten helium balloons. What do you feel?” In a matter of a few seconds, my
right arm fell in my lap. I tried to steady it in a straight position but
failed. However, the left arm, once again uncontrollably, went higher and
backwards until it could not anymore. I did not have to open my eyes to see the
effect of the hypnotism on me; I could very well feel it. The instructor asked
us to open our eyes and see the position of our arms now and as expected I was
pleasantly surprised at the success of the task. After looking at my own hands
and bringing them back into my lap, I once again closed my eyes and got back
into the process of absorbing the silence and coziness.
While
daydreaming and relaxing I heard the instructor say, “Imagine a place, a
situation that makes you happy.” My eyes
shot open immediately. “Jack”, this was the first name that came to my mind. I
smiled at my own foolishness. Happiness for me was anything related to Jack. I smiled
once again at the thought. Any normal sane person would laugh at me provided
they had seen me in the state after my break up with none other than Jack. I
was a mess. “How can you still relate your happiness with some one like who
left you completely alone?” my mind asked my heart. “He gave me a reason to
live, taught me how to love and on top of that he is the one who gave me the
prettiest of memories there ever can be.”, my heart replied. I have had these
arguments between my heart and my brain almost a million times since my break
up three years ago and as always eventually my heart wins. I cry for him, I
smile for him, I pray for him, I feel happy when he is happy, sad and
devastated when he is unhappy or worried.
Having
these conversations in the back of my mind, I started visualizing my happy
place with him. It was the most beautiful feeling ever. I could picture it so
clearly. It is like I was driving towards this place. Far far away, a small
cozy hut in the middle of plain grass fields in pleasant winter weather. Moving
closer, I opened the door to the hut and got welcomed by a sweet aroma of
freshly baked French toasts and hot and yummy coffee. As I zoomed into the
picture I had visualized, I could see a young chirpy girl holding two huge mugs
of steaming coffee in blue denims, white high-neck and a light blue poncho
moving towards the comfy cozy sofa. On the sofa I could see a young guy in blue
jeans and grey shirt, smiling at the approaching girl. She handed him one mug
and sat in between his legs, her back facing his chest and covered themselves
with the quilt lying nearby. The guy had
his arms around the girl, his chin resting on her shoulder. The fire in the
fireplace was just enough to add to the comfy and warm atmosphere. I could see
the beautiful couple laughing and sharing stories of the day with each other.
They painted the perfect picture of a perfect couple.
The
girl snuggled herself further into the guys arm and that is when I heard a
voice nearby, “Whenever you will relax, you will imagine this happy place and
it will help you lighten up and rest.” “Noo…” was the first thought that
crossed my mind. Eyes still closed, a lone tear fell from them and I was
surrounded by darkness once again. This was the Jack and Jennifer I had always
dreamed us to be, but after three years, I had come out of the dream world
where everything was perfect and had realized that this dream might never come
true. However, imagining such perfect pictures now and then did no harm and
reminded me of the beauty of our past relationship but nevertheless, it did
bring pain and regret with it. However, that never stopped me from this
practice.
Opening
my eyes, only to realize I was really relaxed and contended but suddenly
surrounded by a feeling of emptiness and sorrow. I smiled once again and took
in the feeling and realized that this emotion and sensation will never leave me
till the last breath I take.
He
was my first love…
